Another boy whose behaviour is totally out of control at home and school has just joined my class. This has been going on for six years – and he’s only just 9 years old… Very worrying for his future!
What’s happened (or not happened!) for the situation to become this bad?
Like so many others he’s diagnosed as being ADHD plus other assorted behaviour problems… Oh yes, and as usual it’s all his fault – who else could be to blame? Nothing else is ever considered in these cases… So many people have had meetings and discussions about him for years, but nobody has done anything constructive to help this little boy.
The child’s behaviour gets more and more disruptive and out of control as the professionals continue to talk, all the time convincing themselves that they’re doing everything possible to address the problems. Nothing works so there must be something wrong with the boy… Nothing else is considered.
What form had this boy’s behaviour taken?
From the start of his infant career in school he’d been confrontational, disruptive and violent. Day one had him running from class and jumping from the coat racks in the cloakroom.
Did that set warning bells ringing that this behaviour should be addressed to prevent a nightmare scenario unfolding? No, it didn’t really.. It was felt that he’d settle in a while… That he’d grow out of this behaviour… Oh no he wouldn’t, not in a million years!!
So, fast forward 6 years and they’re in a real mess. Plus they’d given up… They’d done all they could and nothing worked…
So, what do they think they’ve done?
Well, they told him what they want him to do but he took no notice. No surprise there! It’s the adults’ action that’s needed, not words. He really isn’t at all interested in what they want or what they have to say to him. It’s what the adults do that’s important… and I’m afraid they haven’t done anything that’s had any positive impact on his behaviour.
The only way this boy could stay in mainstream school was to be ’supported’ by 2 adults at once – and it was still chaos… Why? Because limits and boundaries hadn’t been set on his behaviour! Ok, the adults thought they’d set boundaries but the fact is that if you don’t get the results you want they you’re not doing it right! So chaos, mayhem and destruction reigned…
So off he went to a doctor and had diagnoses of various behaviour problems. Join the very long queue sonny, you’re one of thousands… Drugs were prescribed, duly taken and any change? Nothing, not a jot!
Adults had taken action but to no avail – just the chaos we have now…
What’s meant when I say that teachers ‘think they’ve put limits and boundaries in place to manage behaviour’? That’s true. Teachers are taking action but unless it’s done properly – and if you’re not getting the intended result then it’s not being done properly – you’ll just make the problems worse. Boundaries and limits have to be set at the right time and in the right way.
Here’s an example to demonstrate…
This particular boy, when he was in infant classes had proved himself in desperate need of adults to take control of his behaviour and put boundaries in place. On one occasion he picked up a pointed piece of maths equipment (one of those big set squares used for board demos) and rushed towards an adult, aiming it at her middle like a jouster on a horse!
So, what action did this teacher take? Well, she allowed the boy to continue towards her, coming to a sudden halt, the pointed end of the plastic very close to being stuck in her stomach!
She said that she was sure he would stop rather than injure her!
I think she should consider herself lucky that he stopped in time and could judge the stopping distance…
That was their version of setting limits and boundaries on his behaviour! Let him behave badly and then let him stop when he felt like it… All on his terms. No way will this get good results. Numerous other examples like this were described… Little wonder things had gone so wrong1
Sorry, they’d got it all wrong.
You set limits and boundaries on children’s behaviour where you expect them to stop the behaviour – not after the fact. Remember the rule… Where you take action to stop the behaviour is where the boundary is set. It’s that simple common sense really. But all aspects of dealing with kids’ behaviour is common sense -just learn the behaviour management strategies, practise them consistently, they soon become second nature and that’s about it…
It’s simply a matter of acting at the correct time. A lot of trouble and stress is prevented too…
Liz Marsden is a highly successful teacher who specialises in managing children’s challenging and extreme behaviour, Liz uses her skills to train teachers, student teachers, teaching assistants and parents to manage children’s behaviour effectively and with confidence. Visit Liz’s website where you can access her easy to follow behaviour management techniques and be able to (http://behaviourbible.com) get great results immediately.